fearless

Am reading posts from my old blog and oh boy, was I a WRECK. I was just a sorry mess all over my blog. Can't believe I was this emotional piece of shit (only I can say that about myself. Just because I said it, it doesn't give anybody the right to call me that as well. Like, it's okay to call your own mom crazy but not for others to be calling your mom crazy. You get me?) So yes, I was just this sad little piece of shit. Goodness. It just makes me cringe to read all of the bullshit that I wrote. It scares me also, because I had no idea I was that sad over someone who doesn't deserve it at all? All that time and effort put into someone who simply isn't worth the trouble?

Here's an excerpt from one disturbing post:
"This time, I could feel you ripping my heart out of me and crushing it with your own bare hands.... Do you see my heart bleeding now... Can you see the blood flowing down your arms..."

And then I just had to end the post with the most sappy love song

"I have died everyday waiting for you.

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years.

Loved you for a thousand more."

Darling, you were 19, you had/have no idea what love is. GOD I just feel like punching my past self. Good to know that she doesn't exist anymore.